Too easy to be lost in progress

 

The universe is just an empty space

And all the stars can disappear without a trace

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog.

A quick recap: after the last post, about a guy I thought I loved, I went to work in the US at a summer camp, just so I could meet him afterwards. Well, that didn't happen, He ghosted me at the beginning of camp and got together with someone else. I was heartbroken. But I found love in camp, so things took a nice turn. Eventually, we got together a few months after camp.

Since then, I graduated college, and started working as a teacher in a nearby town. Precious Yankee spent 3 months in our house when I was working there. Then I left that school, moved to the capital, and we moved in together. I found a new school to teach at.

Everything was great in the beginning. We did a lot of things together but still had alone time for ourselves. We kissed and hugged multiple times a day. We complimented each other all the time. "I love you"-s were flying between us. And then, after living together for 2 year - he went home for the summer. And although we've videochatted every day while he was away, he came back different. That was half a year ago. Now he never says he loves me, even when I say it. He barely ever hugs me and only kisses me if he wants more. When I try to talk about it, he dismisses me.

Still, we often talk about our future together. When he finishes college, we have to find a new place to live, so he can work in his field. We've been talking about different countries, and what each of us could work there. Sometimes his mood switches for a few days and then he's sweet and thoughtful again. 

I feel decieved and lost. 

(Also, there's been an ongoing Covid-19 pandemic since March 2020 - the country went to quarantine for months at times, but now even with 20k new cases every day, nobody gives a shit. I have 3 Pfizer doses in my body but I'm pretty sure I'll get covid too sooner or later.)

(Additionally, I get paid only slightly above minimum wage as a teacher. I give it another year but if things don't change, I'm leaving the profession to do something else.)

(Moreover, fuck Orbán and fuck Fidesz. And fuck everyone who will vote for him in April. The time of change is now.)